Monday, 31 January 2011


Chilli and Sam in the quad before our briefing for our new project "The City".

We got our brief and introduction/preparing for the Berlin trip this friday :D
I'm really excited now, because it's basically a self-directed street project. Which should be good!
We sorted out rooms at the hostel as well.
We have our first tutorial tomorrow, and then we just have to wait for Friday to come.
It's going to be a week filled with photography, exhibitions (Nan Goldin-exhibition CHECK!), Germans and partying. Amazing.

I did a casting call on ModelMayhem as well, announcing that I'm going to Berlin and wants to
do a shoot while I'm there, so hopefully someone will get back to me.
(yeah, I definitely need to make a blog that's ONLY about photography..)

Something that is ridiculous is that I now have to walk around the whole uni to avoid one single
person because I'm scared of him (I'm referring to the assault incident that happened in my house a couple of weeks ago).
I don't want to walk around and be scared of getting nasty words thrown at me, or evil looks. But I guess I just have to get used to it. He haven't actually done any of those things yet - I'm just scared that he might.

Aaaand, I've been looking at houses in Guildford for next year.
Me and T have been talking about moving to London, but since I'm still only going to be in my second year (and therefore need to be in at uni almost everyday of the week) by that time,
Guildford would be a better choice.
So hopefully we'll find something.

Now I really need to get my ideas down in my sketchbook for tomorrow's tutorial.

Sunday, 30 January 2011


5 days until me and my class goes to Berlin for a week. I'm getting really excited now!
I'm also starting to get a bit nervous about these 2 competitions I've entered - the revealing of
winners/shortlisted photographers is getting closer.. :O

Today I woke up, had breakfast, watched some TV, then went back to bed for an hour and then
woke up Thom and forced him to go on a walk with me in to town :D
It was sunny and warm so I thought that I nice walk was in place.

I really need to sort my photography blog out, because I have so many thoughts I need to get out of my head about photography..
I also need to sort out another blog that's more like how I used to write before.. This 365 days "diary" project is great for my memory, but it feels unnatural and isn't really my thing.
I'm going to continue it though, but I need to get back to my other style of writing to keep myself sane.

That is all.

Saturday, 29 January 2011


Thom did the dishes, I did the food :)

It was SO nice to sleep 'til 2pm today without feeling that I have to get up and do something; we went to the pub last night, and I went to bed around 3.30am
(even though I did go into town for a bit, but I go crazy if I stay in for too long).

But I haven't done much today, just picked up some photos from Boots that I took with a disposable camera (testing it out for a project I'm doing).

I'm going to do some sketchbook work now and try to get my ideas straight for our self directed project.

Friday, 28 January 2011


The beauty of a student house..

Today I woke up early and heard the birds sing and the sun was shining. Awesome!
Got me in a really good mood - perfect for my interview at Waitrose (where I certainly needed
all the energy I could get; 2 and a half hours of icebreakers and group work.. heh.)

I have a lot going on now, which is good! It keeps me motivated and creative.
First, it's these two competitions I've entered; both results will be revealed in February.

This "Commission An Artist" thing, that I hope will get me some extra money soon.

The shoot yesterday which was originally for an online magazine , but I've decided not to suggest it as an editorial for this month - i'll do it next month instead - instead I'm submitting it to this blogger's project "Twelve" (which you can find here ).

On Wednesday I have a shoot with my friend Rebeka, whom I met when I was doing my uni documentary project about her (you can see the final images here ) and her function band. Should be good!

And finally, on friday, me and my class are going to Berlin on a study trip. How exciting!

Tonight I'm gonna make me and Thom some soup and have some wine. Have a good friday!

Thursday, 27 January 2011


Today's photo of me "in action" is taken by Hayley, when me, her and Ozzie went out to Bourne Woods for a shoot.
Or, we tried to get in to Bourne Woods, but apparently they're filming "Jack and the giant killer" there at the moment, so we weren't allowed in.
So we went to another part of the woods.
It was a good shoot and I'm excited about looking at the result now! Was a bit cold though - it started snowing!

After the shoot we went to Guildford to see Black Swan; what a film! A total brainfuck, but SO GOOD! Everyone should watch it.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011


A failed attempt to re-take a photo for Shallow Sense's CD.

Not much to say today. Other than "thank you" to all of you who are voting for me <3

Tuesday, 25 January 2011


I shoot a lot in black and white these days - everything looks better in black and white! :)
Nicole came over today to hang out and to try to re-boot her computer; she has some sort
of "porn-virus" on it, haha!

The voting for the Artists Wanted competition is going great, so thanks to everyone who's helping me out. I love you all :) (Please continue to vote for me here:
you can vote once a day until February 4 2011)

Commission an Artist have now put my page up on their website as well, check it out here:

And that's all for today!

Sabina Hannila - Artists Wanted 2010

Sabina Hannila - Artists Wanted 2010

I would really appreciate it if everyone could click this link and vote 5
stars on my portfolio for my chance to win the People's Choice Award
with a prize of $2,000 and international recognition. I would also appreciate
it if you could share this link and urge all your friends to vote 5 stars on
my portfolio as well! It would mean the world to me :)

Monday, 24 January 2011


Today has been a rather productive day:
entered Artists Wanted's competition (cost me $79 :O!) and am now collecting as many votes
as possible from you guys for a chance to win the Peoples Choice Award (vote here: ) - I would love it if you did for many reasons, but here are the 2 main ones:
1, I would get international recognition and have a better chance to make a living on my photography
2, I would win $1000 to fund my studies and future projects.

I also had a telephone interview with Waitrose about a job I applied for a couple of days ago. She said that she would get back to me within 3 days if I my telephone interview was successful. 1 hour later she called me again to say that I'm welcome to a final interview in the store on friday. So hopefully I'll get the job! I could really use the money, considering all the plans I have for this year.

Another thing that I found out today is that my (&%¤¤&¤#¤%()?/&¤ housemate is moving out ASAP. So YAY to that! We get our house back!

Watching Lord of the Rings ATM, so going back tot that!

My chance to win the People Choice Award's

I've entered the Artsist Wanted's competition, and I would love you forever if you could click on the link below and rate my portfolio with 5 stars for my chance to win the People's Choice Awards.

Thank you!

Sunday, 23 January 2011


Someone left their family photo in the bushes..

I took a walk into town today. Went to see Nicole at work and had a coffee.
And then I took the bus back home again. I had my camera around my neck
as usual, and the busdriver asked "Have you been taking photos?" and I said yes.
He then asked "Are you a professional photographer then?".. I hesitated for a
second before I said "I'm a student."

When I then sat down on the bus I thought to myself: When can I start calling myself
a professional? Is it when you get paid for what you do? Or when a lot of people admire
your work? Or when you run your own buisness? Or when you have a lot of expensive
equipment? Or if you take a "professional approach" on what you do?

I take my photography very seriously, and I spend a lot of time on it - no matter
what it is.
And I do get paid for what I do - sometimes.
I have people who follows and compliments my work.
I have nice and precious equipment,
and I would not want to do anything else than to take photos for the rest of my life.

I consider myself a professional photographer, but am scared to call myself that in
public.. I really don't know why.
It feels safe to say that I'm a student, but what i have noticed is that people won't
take you as seriously as if you would call yourself a freelance photographer. Like
the busdriver today, who laughed a little when I said I was a student and said "I
thought so".

Maybe I should start calling myself a "self-employed" photographer? That's basically
what i am.
Even though I do start a new job as a photographer for a webiste very soon (more details
and a link tot he webiste will be posted as soon as it's all up and running).

Tonight I'm just gonna relax with T, watch Jurassic Park and get some rest; for tomorrow
I will start to organise my days in a way that I've never done before.

Saturday, 22 January 2011


A group of people standing outside McDonalds who doesn't want people to eat puppy meat.

Me and T went to London today - Soho to be exact.
I needed to get out of F-town for a while, and I wanted to go somewhere big with a lot of people that I can take photos of.
No better place than London for that.
I lost my railcard on a tubestation somewhere with my day travelcard and got really upset.
2011 isn't treating me very well so far.
I wanted to go and see Black Swan but we would have to wait 2 hours for that, so we took the train back home instead.

It doesn't matter how long or how short I stay in London, I'm always knackerd when I get home.
I wonder how I'll manage to live there next year. I'll get used to it I guess.

I'm going to spend the rest of this evening working on my sketchbooks and maybe create a Facebook ad for my photography page.

Friday, 21 January 2011


My 100th blogpost - cool.
Was going to do some sketchbook work in the library, then browse through farnham's charity shops and ask if I could possibly buy or borrow a mannequin for an upcoming shoot, and then
go back home.
instead i recieve a phonecall regarding our abusive housemate, and the problems piled up again.
so instead of doing what i planned on doing I had to sit in a meeting and try to sort everything out.
police, landlady, uni.. everyone's involved now. it never ends. and it's so stressful.

anyway, i took this photo whilst waiting for ozzie, because the lady in the photo reminded me of my old job as a restaurant assistant in a school restaurant, and I'm so grateful that I don't work there anymore.
and I liked the colours of all the chairs and the fruit.

now i'm going to make me and T a roast dinner and then sit down with Ozzie and write down the last 4 months happenings so this thing can come to an end!

Thursday, 20 January 2011


I'm analyzing all of my images that I consider to my best ones ATM, to see which ones I should
print and put into my portfolio.
I entered a competition a week ago at Professional Photographers website where the first prize
was a book on Portrait lighting. And the book came in the post yesterday :D! Happy.
WPO has now decided on the shortlisted photographers in their Professional category, and they
will be announcing them on February 1st - NERVOUS!

Now I'm going to have some wine with T and watch Resident Evil.

Wednesday, 19 January 2011


Up and down, down and up - today's emotional rollercoaster had no mercy.
I blame the full moon - it always leaves me sleepless and unbalanced. It has always been like that.
Had my intro for semester 2 today, but spent that whole 30 minutes just working on my sketchbook.
Then spent a good 40 minutes trying to find my work in the big pile of all the 100something student's work.
Had to hide behind B so D couldn't see me; do i now have to be scared of walking around uni?!
Went home, then went back into town with T to have dinner.

I think I'll stare at the moon tonight.

Tuesday, 18 January 2011


it's been a long day.
i got my marks from semester 1 - happy with them.
sat in starbucks for hours, did some research.
visited nicole in her new flat - fancy.
came home and felt down.
and i feel sorry for T who has to put up with it.

Monday, 17 January 2011


sunshine and rain. rain and sunshine.
wet paint.
the smell of spring.
coffee and laughter and creativity.
kisses. warmth. laughter.


Sunday, 16 January 2011


woke up by a phonecall from the police.
got up and was ready to go to G-town to meet B, but had to cancel because the police had to come and get a statement of me.
and they haven't done anything about it yet.
they leave it to our landlady to sort it out, and she's leaving it to us to sort out.
great. thanks. feels comforting.

well, tomorrow is the start of the seriousness; uni, gym, photography, creative thinking etc etc.

have started a new blog which will only be on photography and other inspiring art forms, nothing else. will link it when it's up!


it feels totally hopeless when people don't see the seriousness of assault.
not even the police.
or the landlord.
or the friends around us.

they don't have to live in a house where they don't feel safe.
in their houses they can walk around, laughing and talking without having to fear that at any
second that person might walk through the front door and say something nasty about you.
or have a go at you about something that you have already discussed a thousand times.

they haven't had to call the police because your friend's lip got busted and has a scratched up neck,
and a LOT of blood coming out from theur mouth.

they don't get called an ugly bitch by a 34 year old family guy.

Saturday, 15 January 2011


my friend got assaulted today by another housemate.
police got invovled, we're all scared and have to hide.
the police is useless and basically told us to lock ourselves up in our rooms and hide there.

desperate, childish, stupid, cowardly..

it's hard to get the rage he had in his eyes out of my brain.


how sad is it really, that I find it "interesting" to see what a party is like when you're sober?
is it this i've come to? dependent on alcohol to have fun?
well, yes. ever since i started drinking when i was 13 i have always lived by the fact that "you
can't have fun at a party without alcohol".
i am 23 in 2 months. 10 years of alcohol. bloody hell.

i don't want to be dependent on alcohol anymore, hence the detox month.
don't you just love to wake up on a saturday morning and NOT be hungover?
instead you can do something more productive with your day instead of just lying in bed all day.
go to the gym perhaps.
or do some uni work.
go out on a photo walk.
pretty much anything.
and feel GOOD.

i want to remember.
not be the one who's saying "how fun was last night?!?! i can't remember a thing!"

Friday, 14 January 2011


a similar photo to the one (<--link) i took last year of T, but in a different room and with different emotions...

today has been somewhat productive; went to uni just to buy a sketchbook for my personal
projects - started it tonight, will probably do a lot more before it's time for bed.

found a whole lot of online photography competitions that i'm going to enter; one of them which
the first price is a 10 days' trip around Scotland<3<3<3<3<3 would be AMAZING if I won it
and got the chance to go up to the Highlands... *dreaming*

went in to town again with T to get some food for us and his housemates. cooked the food which
tasted very nice.
cleaned out their fridge as well, since I forgot to take out a pie I made like a week before the
Christmas holidays and left it there.. oops, hehehehehe.

tomorrow it's sam's birthday pub crawl. i'm going to be sober the whoooole evening since i'm on
a detox programme this month. should be interesting to see all the drunken faces through sober
and on sunday i'm going to Guildford to catch up with B.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday, 13 January 2011


i like the woman who's standing in the corner.. she almost looks transparent, like
a ghost. she stood there for a good 5 minutes and then just left.

i went into town today to hand out some cv's.
vision express was looking for a leaflet distributor; not too hard, so I applied.
the woman in there said that all I needed was a National Insurance number
and she could get me some hours.
a fish&chips shop needed a waitress; i applied for that one as well. but the manager
was very rude, so i don't think i'll go back there.
a woman's clothing store needed a sales assistant; i went in there and she said that
all she needed was my uni schedule (so she can plan out what hours to give me)
and she can get me started.
she had had another (lovely) swedish girl working there before, so she likes swedes,

now i'm in Thom's room, editing some photos.
going to the cinema tonight. have no idea what we're watching.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011


this is where i've spent my day not doing anything.
tomorrow i'm getting myself together, handing in some CV's
and might go to the cinema.


I'm in Thoms' bed, feeling rather.. I don't know, lifeless.

He is so good to me,
and I feel that I lose more and more of my passion for photography
the more time I spend at this uni.
I don't know what's wrong.
It should be the other way round right?
Maybe it's because I don't do my own stuff as much as I could when I
wasn't in uni (as stated before).

He asked me "you're not leaving are you?"
I can't leave. I have nowhere else to go.
I want to travel, but I have no money.
And I want to finish this degree, because it's good to have one.

I'm just a little bit tired ATM.

those were the glorious photography days..

Tuesday, 11 January 2011


What a funny name.


"when we get married, we're gonna stop having sex"
probably true as well.

i didn't go to my workshop today either.
what's the point really, when i've already done it?
i'm going on friday though, so i don't get a low-attendance-letter!

this house situation is making me really stressed.
i don't want to be in my own house, because i don't feel comfortable there.
i just want us to move to London now.
that's going to be the best day in my life.

i had strawberries for desert today that had dirt on them.

planning a few shoots at the moment, need to start shooting my own ideas now.
i have waisted too much time.


i want to sleep under the northern lights.

Monday, 10 January 2011


Didn't go to my workshop today.
Black & White film processing that we did 2 timeas last year,
and two times this year.
Why again?

Slept in with Thom instead<3
Then went down town with Nicole for some coffee and shopping.
We both got flashback from last spring when she came and visited me here.
It was something in the air that reminded us.

Now we're going down to the pub for some pool.


A bit late, but nevermind.
I took a walk into town today, and it was nice.
Sunny and warm, people walking their dogs, kids running around..
Yeah, you know.

And then I came home and hell broke loose.
Apparently I'm an ugly bitch who doesn't have the right to say anything.
Mature, btw, to send someone else to say what you want to say when you're 34 years old.

Fucking hell, is there no hope for mankind??!

Sunday, 9 January 2011

The Sun is shining

Farnham is sooo warm and sunny today, and I love it!
I tripped on my way down town, but who cares?? I am happy today,
and can't really be bothered to care about such banal things (which I would

T is back tonight and I've missed him SO much <3

The only bad thing of today is that my idiot of a housemate is back.
He makes the rest of us feel uncomfortable in our own home,
he doesn't pay the bills, is late with his rent every month and doesn't
contribute to any of the cleaning of the house.
And on top of that, he dares to tell me to "Fuck off" when I ask for money for the bills.
WTF?! mate, get a grip.

Saturday, 8 January 2011


More and more young people start using drugs.
And I have NEVER seen so many young people doing drugs as in the UK.

Maybe they feel a little depressed; their girlfriend or boyfriend dumped them,
or their parents split up, or they push themselves too hard.. Hates their looks
or whatever.
So they start to look for a way to escape themselves. Alcohol, weed, shrooms..
Easy accessible drugs that makes them relaxed or happy.
Or, maybe they just wants to experiment with the forbidden fruit. Try to find
a faster way to total bliss or creativity.

We blame them. Wholly and fully. Especially the old people who loves to blame
it on the "fucking kids who don't do anything right. When I was young..." and blah blah.
We also blame the parents in some cases. And that's fair enough. I mean, a kid who
has loving parents and everything he/she wants can't grow up to be a drug abusing


I don't think it really matters if you had a bad upbringing or not. You choose your life for yourself, and if you want to live a life high on drugs, you do it. And you don't care if it hurts the people around you.

But what about the leagal drugs? Such as alcohol, antidepressants, morphine, and other
(prescribed) drugs..
The latter example is something that I've been thinking about a lot.
Let's say that you feel a bit down and wants to go and talk to someone. You get an
appoinment to come and talk with an "expert" of feelings and underlying meaning.
You explain the situation. But because this "expert" can't really be bothered with
kids feeling a bit down, he/she gives you some pills to take 2 times a day to calm you down.

And I wonder: how the FUCK do you think that teenagers are going to look at drugs after that?
"As soon as you feel a little bit down, take two of these and you'll be fine." ?!?

What I wanted to say with this blog post I don't really know.. Maybe that we can't trust anyone else to help us (or give us a push to continue)? We can only help ourselves, and we only have ourselves to blame if it gets fucked up.

But don't call yourself an expert if you're just gonna throw a package of pills in the face of a depressed teenager. Then you only have yourself to blame if that same teenager robs you on a dark street of London, fucked off his face.


It's a selfportrait today, because I've been by myself all day.
Sometimes it's nice to be by yourself for a whole day.
You get space to think what you want, sing as loud as you need to, take a nap anywhere..
Yeah, pretty much anything.

The sun was shining today and it felt as if it was spring.
I need the sun to shine more often, it smells so good when it's raining and the sun is shining.

I miss the smell of the summer rain.

I can smell the sunlight on your skin..

I want spring now. I need it.

click on the images to go to the photographer.

Friday, 7 January 2011


Farnham is wet and smells of spring.

Sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
I hurt myself by hurting people I love.
And I know that I can stop it, but I'm too stubborn.

This blog is too depressing.
But, better to get it all out now so I don't end up as a bitter old lady eh?

i'm a woman

sometimes (most of the time) I'm too desperate for myself.
and too paranoid.
and stubborn.
and I can't accept a no.
I'm like a little girl who stamps her foot and crosses her arms in the middle of a shop, screaming.
i'm manipulative,
and I say harsh things I don't really mean to get a reaction.
and when that doesn't work, I cry.

too proud for myself.

I need to let go and calm the fuck down.

Thursday, 6 January 2011


I'm building a wall around myself, that keeps all the good things outside.

What do I want to achieve this year?


- Finding my way back to my passion for photography (like the one I had before I came to uni)
- A new portfolio (that only holds new images).
- My own personal project every week (with research books and all that).
- Taking part in more online photography competitions.
- Going to more exhibitions in London.
- Networking (I'm really bad at this and really don't know how to do it. But I'll try)
- Develop every idea I have until I've got the image I saw in my head.
- Get more active on the photography communities of which I'm a member.
- Analyse my own and others photographs more.


- Stop being so angry and miserable all the time (by going to the gym and release all that anger).
- Smile more!
- Follow my OWN dreams (not others).
- Accept things and people that can't be in any other way.
- Love more!
- Stop being so fucking lazy and actually do all of these things.


i really need some inspiration.
give me everything you find inspiring:
music, blogs, images, websites, movies, philosophers, writers, places, words, emotions..

Anything and everything.

(If you do, give me a link to your own webiste/blog and I'll link it on here)

Wednesday, 5 January 2011


This is how the walls in my room looks like.

I feel a bit confused with everything at the moment.
I have been at the same place for too long now, I need to change

But it's getting lighter outside longer in the afternoons now, and
that means that I have more time to do my own personal projects.
I don't really like the studio environment.

I have been very lazy today and not done much.
But I like it; a couple of days more to do nothing until my course starts again.
Sometimes I feel that it's a waist of time and money.
But I'm guessing that's just because I haven't done much of my own stuff.

Gym tomorrow - that should make me feel more positive about things.

Tuesday, 4 January 2011


Back in England.
I feel indifferent today.
And very tired after two days of non-stop travelling.

Met Anna for a coffee this morning <3
It's raining in England and it's warm.
I'm not alone in the house (thank god!).
And now I'm going to bed.

Monday, 3 January 2011


"I love you and I love you and I love you"

And it grows stronger everyday.

He couldn't sleep because he didn't want to leave me.
I couldn't sleep because he was going to.

Sad moments at the airport today.
I was whining and crying and complaining and then I felt
stupid for making him feel stupid for leaving to do
something that he loves.
What a fucking mess.
It's so silly, it's not very long at all until he comes back to England.

I just don't like when people leave.

It was sunny today but freezing cold. And I had to wait extra long
for every train and bus I took today.
At least the train company paid for our taxi to the airport this morning;
£200 for a taxi. NICE.

Every person that walked in my direction spoke to me today.
One wanted to know if he was allowed to take the 12.05 bus when he
really had paid for the 14.05 bus.
Another wanted to know a whole lot about the train back to my hometown.
A third was a old man who told me that he used to live in the city, but now
he's living on the country side with all the wolves and other wild animals,
and nasty crows who scares his cat by biting him in the tale.
The fourth one didn't say anything, but he was following my every move,
always looking in my direction, and even changed seets on the bus to sit next to me.

I always get angry with myself when I don't ask these people for a portrait,
or engage in a longer conversation.
But I'm too scared. And I'm also too Swedish to talk to strangers (sadly. Will
get better at it!)

So, interesting day today. A sad one, but also a inspiring one.

Sunday, 2 January 2011


"I don't want to leave you."
I don't want you to leave me either.

It's hard to accept loneliness when you don't choose it yourself;
being lonely and feeling lonely are two different things.

Thom threw snow at my camera today.
Silly him. I got very angry, yes. But it passed.
We bought traintickets to the airport and went for coffee and dinner.
We had a conversation about the differences about being and feeling lonely,
and I realised that I can't handle it. Feeling lonely I mean.
And the worst part is that I don't even know why I feel that way.
I'm in a very confused period at the moment, and I don't trust people or myself.

Maybe I just need to concentrate more on my own personal preferences and accept
the fact that I'm different from all of my friends.
That I'm not a social person, that I'm content with just sitting at home developing
photography ideas.

I should try it and see what happens.

Saturday, 1 January 2011


The first day of the new year.
I have promised myself to take a photo everyday and post it here on the blog
and on Facebook & Flickr, with an attached text, to keep myself creative and for
my own memory - I have a big need of remembering everything that I do, and
photography is a good and important way of remembering (in my opinion).

You can take one photograph of a specific happening or whatever you want, and when you
then later on look at it, all these other memories from that day will start to pop
That is beautiful.

I took this photo today of Thom in a museum for old planes in Västerås, where I had
a shoot with the band Shallow Sense (, after a night filled with New Years resolutions and wine in Stockholm.

2011 will be a good year: new uni projekts, a lot more of my personal projekts, more time for myself, moving in with my love, field/study trip to Berlin, hopefully a trip to Barcelona.. Yes, good.

Happy New year everyone, have a good one.
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