Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Feelings, philosophy and photography

It is interesting how another person can have such a hold of you,
almost as if they own a part of you. A small part, but it feels so big
because you are a small part of eachother.
It hurts a little when you realise how much you love that person because
you have so much to lose.
And every single tune that touches your soul feels like one big soundtrack
to these feelings you hold inside of you..

Everything feels so good at the moment. But I am so filled up by all of this
and I have forgotten how to let it all out. I used to let the camera do the work
when I felt like this, but after being in uni for 2 years it all feels so complicated..
It is as if I have to think really hard about what I am photographing, or else it
won't be as good - It is as if people are going to look at me like I am crazy if I
can't explain where my picture language is coming from.

Like I have a clue of where all my feelings are coming from?!?! How the hell am
I supposed to explain all of my photos I take, just because I feel like it??

I guess this is just another mind-trick that my brain is playing, it is actually ME
who have convinced myself that I am not good enough if I can't explain myself.
As if I've told myself that a certain style of photography isn't worthy as ART if it
doesn't have meaning or reason.
I am setting up boundaries for myself because I'm scared of being ridculed.

I think it's time for me to go back in time a little bit, and remember how photography
was when I just started out; it was new, and I took photos of EVERYTING I found
pretty or things I wanted to remember forever. I chose the most obvious and simple
ways of doing things, and I was creative in my way of solving problems.

Now it's like I don't have time to be creative, I just need to get the job done.

I don't want that. I want my personal creativity to come back.

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