Friday, 26 August 2011

I am far from free.

I have forgotten everything I used to yearn for..
I used to dream about sitting on the top of a mountain in Scotland and look at the sky and breathe the fresh air,
and go to a live gig with Sigur Rós out in the Icelandic wilderness,
and wake up really early to take in the Swedish sunrise a Midsummer morning again,
and swim naked in a cold spring in the deep Nordic forests,
and take all this inspiration with me and make something fantastic.

But I haven't done anything of the above, and I never dream about things like this
anymore. All it's about now is money, getting good grades, keeping the few close friends I have, arguing with the internet connection or landlord, or finding a job that won't make my life miserable..
None of which inspires me. And this is how it is, day in and day out.

Somedays I just want to say "fuck it!" and stop caring about everything and everyone else and just do what I feel like doing, without caring about the consequences; spend all my money on a trip to anywhere and meet new people and see new places, get a hotel room somewhere and lock myself in it with no means of communication to anyone and write, take photos, and do some amazing artwork, get really drunk on wine and be artificially happy but truly believe in it, sleep how much I want without feeling stressed, never talk about weight and calories again...

I just want to make my art.

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